75 of The Best & Funniest Coffee Quotes | GROSCHE

Looking for some clever and funny coffee quotes?! We’ve got you covered.

We believe that there is a coffee quote for every coffee lover. We put together all the best coffee quotes that we love. Enrich your coffee life with the following clever, beautiful and funny coffee quotes:

Funny Coffee Quotes

2. “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.”

– Anonymous

3. “Caffeine- It maintains my sunny personality.”

– Anonymous

4. “Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!”

– Anonymous

6. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”

– Earl Wilson

7. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”

– Alfred Renyi

8. “Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.”

– Barista Life

10. “I put coffee in my coffee.”

– Anonymous

11. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”

– Anonymous

12.”I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”

– Lewis Black

13.”If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”

– Anonymous

14. “When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee.”

– Anonymous

17. “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping.”

– Anonymous

18. “It’s strange how drinking  cups of water seems impossible but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”

– Anonymous

19. “Life without coffee is like something without something…sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”

– Anonymous

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21. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”

–Jac Vanek

22. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”

–Abraham Lincoln

23. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”

– Jean Kerr

25. “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”

— Anonymous

26. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”

— Anonymous

27. “7 days without coffee makes one WEAK.

 — Anonymous

28. “Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”

— Anonymous

29. “Coffee, because adulting is hard.”

 – Anonymous

30. “Coffee owns me, and I’m fine with that.”

-Anonymous

31. “You’re brew-tiful.”

– Anonymous

Clever Coffee Quotes

33. “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”

— Anonymous

34. “SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.”

— Anonymous

35. “Listen, before I had my coffee, I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today, either.”

36. “Wanna hear a joke? Decaf.”

 – Anonymous

37. “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine.”

 – Anonymous

38. “Drink coffee and pretend to know what you’re doing.”

– Anonymous

40. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”

– Thomas Jefferson

41. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried–up piece of goat.”

– J.S. Bach

42. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”

– Donna A. Favors

43. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”

– Alphonse Allais

45. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”

– David Letterman

46. “May your coffee kick in before reality does.”

– Anonymous

47. “Humanity runs on coffee.”

– Anonymous

48. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.”

– Burt Lancaster

50. “Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future.”

– Ian Somerhalder

51. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.”

–  Anonymous

52. “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.”

– Sheik Abd-al-Kadir

53. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”

– Fran Drescher

55.”You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.”

– Adam Gopnik

56. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

– Jerry Seinfeld

57. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.”

– Sir James MacKintosh

58. “Coffeeology: Espresso yourself. So many blends, so little time. Take life one sip at a time, and stay grounded. Better latte than never. Take time to smell the cover.”

– Anonymous

60. “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”

– Anonymous

61. “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.”

– Martha Quinn

62. “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!”

– Anonymous

63. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”

— Terri Guillemets

65. “Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better.”

— Justina Headley

66. “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”

— Napoleon Bonaparte

67. “The road to success is paved in coffee.”

— Anonymous

68. “There is no life without water. Because water is needed to make coffee.”

— Anonymous

70. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”

― Louisa May Alcott

71. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”

― Terry Pratchett

72. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.”

― Gabriel Bá

73. “Life is too short to drink bad coffee.”

 – Anonymous

74. “Some coffee, plus some thinking, equals some great ideas.”

 – Anonymous

We hope you enjoy these coffee quotes as much as we do!

Share them with your friends during your coffee break, clink your coffee mugs together and let us know what’s your favorite.

Also, don’t forget to check out the coffee collection that keeps us sane!